Friday, 1 July 2011

HORN OK PLEASE

Picking up from promised thematic tactics, this time around will be an attempt to convey the chaos that is Bangalore. A blog about India would simply be incomplete if not touching upon the round-the-clock road traffic and noise pollution amongst the city streets. To help paint this picture, plastered on the back of rickshaws, trucks and buses, one will commonly find the phrase: “horn ok please.” Translation? Honk if you’re passing. Honk if you cross an intersection. Honk if you’re bored in traffic. Honk if you’re happy/sad/angry. And most importantly, honk if you just feel like honking.


Let me start with a thorough description of the auto rickshaw, also referred to as ‘rick’ or ‘auto.’ Unfortunately, I no longer have the privilege of getting a ride to work since all the important people have since left the guesthouse. Taking an auto to work everyday, however, has proved to be a very exciting and energizing method of morning transport (though the combination of no coffee, early morning bargaining and shameless discrimination can occasionally unleash my inner fury). Now that two months have passed, I feel quite confident in my ‘rick’ abilities. Below are a few tricks of the trade that I have picked up after the 45 minute journey to and from work each day and from habitual weekend battles:

One: Always tie your hair back…unless you enjoy a mouthful whipped at you every 2 seconds.
Two: Carry small change. If not, you run the risk of the driver conveniently misplacing cash…even after pretending to dig into the depths of his front shirt pocket for some extra rupees staging the ultimate art of trickery.
Three: Hold your breath when stuck in traffic and sandwiched between two monster buses and surrounded by motorbikes to avoid the exhaust shedding minutes off your life.
Four: Lean forward. I say this for two reasons. The first being that the back of the seat often only reaches less than half way up your back and can be very uncomfortable for a long ride (which is the common case in Bangalore). Secondly, it helps to prepare your jaw and every bone in your body for the sudden jerks and bumps along the way.
Five: Don’t make eye contact with the Hijras (transgendered solicitors) or the beggars that aggressively encircle vehicles stuck in traffic with an exaggerated, but undoubtedly genuine expression of pure melancholy. I must admit to giving in to the occasional pregnant woman (can’t fake that!) but with the thankful excuse of the moral obligation that comes from the subject matter of my research study.
Five.point.one: DO make eye contact with annoyingly blatant onlookers when stuck in traffic. On one of my ‘down’ days here, I decided to reciprocate and stare straight back at two curious but competitive teenage boys on the motorbike next to me. It was an intense stare down that sadly resulted in the overly-confident duo colliding with the motorbike ahead of them. I like to consider that karmic retribution.
Six: Be patient if the driver unexpectedly pulls into a gas station joining a rickshaw traffic jam.
Seven: Don't be alarmed if the picture on the ID card in the rickshaw bares absolutely no resemblance to the real deal.
Eight: Learn the Kannada word eshtu (how much?). It’s all about street cred!

Rickshaw gas station
Most of the drivers are pretty stern and I’ve noticed that in the morning they are slightly more difficult to bargain with. Alas! A few days ago, a passerby who clearly recognized my struggle revealed that there is apparently a superstition among rickshaw drivers that if they don’t crack a good first deal in the morning, the rest of their day will be cursed and they will not make much money…well that makes sense. They are much friendlier in the evening (or maybe just desperate). I recently found one friendly fellow whom I believe will now be my own personal rickshaw driver to take me back to my area from work. He cleverly noticed a trend in my departures from Rajajinagar and made sure to get my schedule straight for next time.

These rickshaws never cease to amaze me. They cram themselves into the tiniest of spaces at full speed and with absolutely no apprehensions. It took a few weeks but I officially experienced my first rickshaw accident after it was hit from behind in the middle of an intersection. Much like would happen at home, the driver stopped the engine, got out and immediately started screaming and finger-pointing at the other driver. The part that was distinctively Indian, however, was the laughter that ensued just minutes after the aggressive arguing. They seemed to have peacefully reconciled their differences in a matter of minutes.

When you’re not caught on a bad day, you can really come to understand a lot about India through the way the autos operate. There’s an incredible sense of camaraderie between rickshaw drivers that becomes quickly apparent. They are always in lighthearted conversation with each other when stuck in traffic and even while driving (an impressive feat). They are also considered the trusted googlemaps of the road. Drivers roll down their windows and bikers often speed up to the rickshaw in a hurried attempt to ask for directions that are always welcomingly returned (whether accurate or not).

Never missing an opportunity
to showcase merchandise
CFAR office
(I had to go through the majority of those
papers looking for MNCH articles)
The motorbikes are a whole different story. Words really can’t describe how they whiz through the busy streets in their massive uncoordinated fleet. I’ve seen entire families on one single motorbike where the woman is holding onto to her children or baby with one carefree arm while the other is casually clutching the back of the bike. In addition to this recklessness, even though the drivers carry helmets, they seem to only feel the need to put them on if a police officer is nearby. Strangely, only the driver is required to wear a helmet, so the rest of the family clinging onto the back is still off the hook! Great logic. It still entertains me to imagine my coworkers riding their motorbikes to work everyday, though that is the exciting reality. In the office, helmets often serve as paperweights.

It's truly amazing what some of
these guys carry on their bikes
Unfortunately, I have still yet to brave the bus system in Bangalore, though Chethan has promised to be my escort one of these days. It is on my list (along with finding a rickshaw driver to allow me to get behind the handles). What I do know about the buses, however, is that they are always jam-packed and just as aggressive on the road as rickshaws. Completely amazed, I once witnessed a bus driver climb out the drivers side window at a red light, slide under the bus to crank some screws on every tire before effortlessly climb back up through the window – and all before the light turned green! It was pretty impressive.

I could go on to talk about how sad I feel for the bicyclists who just don’t stand a chance in the pandemonium of Bangalore traffic, but I think I’ll end here.

Hope you enjoy!